Struggle

Born without a hope in hell,
The chord stuck round my throat,
Face first, all bruised and battered,
Set the tone for life’s big quote,
The world is chaos, don’t you know,
From day one it was clear,
You never understood me,
So the struggle started here.

I barely reached my first birthday,
My brother stood on me,
With broken ribs, I’m now deformed,
For all the world to see,
My chest caved in, but worst of all,
You didn’t even care,
You left me helpless, crying,
With a frightened little stare.

And then began the torment,
Of a mind so young and good,
You hated everything I was,
I never understood,
Just why you didn’t love me,
Time and time again I tried,
To be the perfect daughter,
Luck just wasn’t on my side.

And so I suffered silently,
I lived inside my head,
Life was like a prison,
Raised on hatred, fear and dread,
And no one even noticed,
Who I was or how I felt,
It didn’t seem important,
It was just the hand life dealt.

And so I grew up fearing,
Everyone and every thing,
The world was just an ugly place,
No comfort did it bring,
But still I tried to win the love,
Of parents and a mate,
But all I ever got,
Was overwhelming loss and hate.

A teenager, an adult,
Didn’t matter I was cursed,
To roam the earth a lonely soul,
A weary heart traversed,
I never fitted in you see,
I wanted to belong,
But all I ever found,
Were people chiding,
What was wrong.

Wrong in everything I did,
And everything I said,
Wrong in all the choices,
That I made inside my head,
Wrong in feelings, wrong in mood,
My spirit aptly torn,
Wrong that I was breathing,
Wrong that I was even born.

And now the years have all but passed,
The struggle lingers on,
I’m still alone, I’m still fearful,
And life is still a con,
I’ll never understand the why,
Nor how, nor what you did,
My wounds are all I ever had,
I’m still that broken kid.

© The Complicated Bunny – 02 May 2021