Integrity vs Despair

It’s seems that,
Integrity vs Despair,
Is held for old age,
But I’m already there,
Resenting the life,
I was given at birth,
The twisted decline,
Of tumultuous mirth.

A chaotic journey,
Established despair,
With bitter resentment,
And frivolous care,
Picked to the bones,
By a narcissist’s curse,
You hope for the best,
But it just makes it worse.

I want to escape,
Yes I want to break free,
From all of the feelings,
That decimate me,
But fear my integrity,
Slipping away,
Is guilted by obstacles,
Blocking my way.

I cannot remember,
A time when I knew,
Emotional calm,
Over traumatic spew,
I wish I could live,
In a realm of content,
But truth is my mind,
Craves the rapid descent.

Descent into madness,
Descent into pain,
I try to hold fast,
But the echoes remain,
Of wounds born of torment,
Of wings built with wax,
Fly into the sun,
With your throttle at max.

And so I can no longer,
Hide my despair,
My wretched disgust,
With a life never there,
A world full of empty,
Belligerent sound,
I’m feeling so lost,
I will never be found.

© The Complicated Bunny – 29 Jan 2022

This poem is the eighth in a series of poems based around Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development which is something my psychologist and I are currently exploring.