It Never Rains

It never rains but then it pours,
My head is full of itchy sores,
A tingly feel with swollen lymphs,
My skin a stage for dancing nymphs.

It never rains but then it storms,
Inside the roller coaster forms,
A pirate ship on bended rails,
I watch as madness sets its sails.

It never rains but then it barks,
As lightning generates the sparks,
That wake the black dog from its sleep,
My head still itchy, starts to weep.

It never rains but then it quakes,
My body fraught with painful aches,
That burrow deep into my soul,
I fear there’s nowhere left to stroll.

It never rains but then it spews,
Like lava from a sullen muse,
A voice that’s silent in the night,
Is no match for this endless plight.

It never rains but then it pours,
My head still full of itchy sores,
I’ll plan adventures for the time,
These shingles leave my haunting rhyme.

Things I’ve Learned

• Things my narcissistic family taught me…

You’ll always be last on the list,
In fact to us, you don’t exist,
Unless we need a toy to flush,
It’s fun to watch your spirit crushed,

And boundaries, now what are they,
We take and take, that’s how we play,
Do as you’re told or face the rage,
Cause mum is boss of this here cage,

You only breathe cause we say so,
We’re more important don’t you know,
Your job is to be seen not heard,
We always get the final word,

So know your place, it’s all your fault,
No matter what, you’re such a dolt,
You’re always wrong, it is your fate,
To be subjected to our hate,

You’re not allowed to cry and moan,
So grow up, mask your tears at home,
We do not care about your life,
You’re just the scapegoat for our strife,

We never even wanted you,
And told our mum this much is true,
A girl will wreck our lives for sure,
And so we punished you some more,

You’re just a slave, no more no less,
To clean up all our filthy mess,
You’re lucky that we share our beat,
You could be living on the street,

Cause you are stupid and a pain,
Not worthy of our smug refrain,
A loser till the end for sure,
The family joke we do abhor,

And don’t be eating off our plate,
She feeds us first, you have to wait,
Our favourite foods belong to us,
But sometimes we may share a crust,

You have no status in this tribe,
Don’t bother finding ways to hide,
Your mother has complete control,
She loves us boys, she loathes your soul,

And if you ever find the track,
To freedom, we will pull you back,
You can’t escape your destiny,
To care for mum, while we are free.

• Things therapy has taught me…

I am a person on this earth,
And finally I know my worth,
I do not owe the world a thing,
My heart and soul deserve to sing,

And no more will I give and give,
My boundaries are how I live,
And keep the crazy from my door,
You troglodytes have lost the war,

For I am now a mighty voice,
Armoured with the right of choice,
You never were the boss of me,
For inside I was always free,

It never ever was my fault,
I was the kid, you, the adult,
I’m glad I am the black sheep too,
I’d hate to ever be like you,

I do not care for your detest,
Your soul will never be at rest,
But I know I will be just fine,
Because I have the gift of rhyme,

To guide me past your petulance,
I’ll cry and laugh and run and dance,
For I am worthy of a life,
That’s free of your bullshit and strife,

I know you never wanted me,
It’s funny how the world can see,
The only good you ever did,
Was giving birth to this here kid,

And I will make it on my own,
It never really was a home,
The hero needed, to be whole,
Is finally within my soul,

I always was smarter than you,
My heart is pure, my spirit true,
The truth cannot be locked away,
It always has the final say,

For now I stand with head held high,
My wings are spread and I will fly,
No more will I let fear succumb,
My happiness is number one,

But you, you’re just an empty thief,
Who only ever brought me grief,
No longer are you in control,
I am the ace, I own the hole,

And one last thing, before I go,
There’s something that you ought to know,
My ‘family’ are wretched stains,
With narcissism in their veins.

Time

A month goes by in just a day,
And as emotions buck and sway,
They infiltrate survival mode,
And overwhelm my calm abode.

A year goes by in just a week,
Exhausted I can barely speak,
Frustrated by too much to share,
I feel as if I’m barely there.

In just a second life explodes,
And activates my anxious nodes,
My progress quickly lain to waste,
With mind as thick as concrete paste.

And one more week, a decade’s flown,
I’m still a child with trauma grown,
And time has never been a friend,
Life’s just distraction till the end.

Then for a minute it would seem,
This clarity is not a dream,
As time goes by and moments pass,
I’m living in a giant glass.

Analysis Paralysis

Have you ever felt,
Frozen by choice,
Damned if you don’t,
Damned if you voice,
Decisions easy,
Actions hard,
Analysis paralysis,
Progress is marred.

So why do you sit,
Alone in the dark,
Waiting for effort,
To make a fresh start,
Desperately seeking,
Motivational glee,
Analysis paralysis,
Suffocates thee.

You hurt in a way,
You cannot describe,
A frustrated plea,
That grates on your jibe,
Hopelessly trapped,
No rhythm to sway,
Analysis paralysis,
Enter decay.

Have you ever felt,
Frozen in time,
Nothing to hold you,
Only this rhyme,
Wanting to soar,
But crashing the bend,
Analysis paralysis,
When will it end.

My Roller Coaster

My roller coaster has no brakes,
The thrills are high, as are the stakes,
No seatbelts found to strap you in,
Just clench your teeth and let it spin,

Forwards, sideways, in between,
A game of chance is what you’ll glean,
Up and over tracks that curl,
Keep holding tight, try not to hurl,

For sullen chunks won’t solve your plight,
The coaster’s speed will drain your might,
The clang of steel and roaring pain,
Don’t lose your grip, you’re almost sane,

But not enough to kill the ride,
A thousand questions by your side,
Each digging in the mind’s rib cage,
They lie in wait for soul’s to rage,

But soul’s were meant to find some peace,
At fleeting times where rumblings cease,
My roller coaster bullet train,
Sits idly in my manic brain,

But mania needs motion now,
And so the cars begin to plough,
On tracks of concrete, stone and steel,
Enough to make enamel peel,

Right off your teeth for you to choke,
As air is tantamount to stroke,
But then the rush of H20,
Hits harder than a boxer’s blow,

Yes that’s my roller coaster true,
It pounds you till your face is blue,
No brakes or belts to hold you tight,
Just madness to propel your fright,

But when the crazy dissipates,
My coaster rolls up to the gates,
And locks itself where black dogs flee,
If only I could find the key.

Melancholy Folly

Melancholy full of folly,
Laughing at my dreams,
Why be so cruel with this old fool,
Your condescension screams,
My heart in need, do I not bleed,
Where sutures hold my seams,
Melancholy full of folly,
Dancing in my dreams.

Melancholy full of folly,
Drowning in cement,
Sadness sounds where dark abounds,
And meets my cold lament,
My thoughts are held by humour felled,
Through forests cursed and bent,
Melancholy full of folly,
Trapped like quick cement.

Melancholy full of folly,
Raging through my soul,
I’d like to thump this awful stump,
That pins me in this hole,
Though fists are tight I have no fight,
My knuckles bruised and swole,
Melancholy full of folly,
Darkness fills my soul.

Melancholy full of folly,
Dancing in my dreams,
I try to steer this savage fear,
Can you not hear my screams,
I’m held to ground by trauma bound,
By life’s embittered schemes,
Melancholy full of folly,
Laughing at my dreams.

Overwhelmed

I’m currently so overwhelmed,
I don’t know what to do,
Depression has me frozen,
And my thoughts are anxious stew,
I cannot move forward or back,
Nor side to side it seems,
The only motions I can make,
Are running in my dreams.

Running from the faceless ghost,
That haunts my every groove,
Hiding from the ones who would,
Oppress my every move,
Fighting for my freedom,
From a force without retreat,
Relentless in pursuit,
Of every suffering I meet.

I’m currently so overwhelmed,
I’m locked in battle blues,
No colours to surround me,
Just a depth of darkened hues,
The shadows are ferocious,
Gripping all that ails my soul,
Holding me to ransom,
As a hostage in this hole.

And when the night engulfs me,
Like a fear that knows no bounds,
And dissidence assaults me,
With no rules nor moral grounds,
I’m paralysed and cornered,
Too exhausted to defend,
I’m currently so overwhelmed,
My life feels at it’s end.

Depression’s Back

Depression’s back just like a fog,
That shields a thousand ways to flog,
The mind with negatives en masse,
I’m stuck inside a deep crevasse,

Where echoes haunt a wounded soul,
And disenchantment forms a hole,
Where salt is rubbed and thoughts are dim,
And minds are locked in mortal grim,

That drips with wrath from past melees,
For madness is a purple haze,
From which our sanity is drawn,
And treachery is surely born,

To play the game of life’s pretence,
Which leaves us hanging on the fence,
Stripped naked for the world to see,
Each gash rebukes a chance to flee,

And concrete running through our veins,
Embellishing the dark refrains,
Weighs heavily on hearts that beat,
So desperately to find retreat,

But nowhere finds the tortured breath,
Resisting shards of tempting death,
Though scarred and broken I must slog,
Depression’s back just like a fog.

It’s Gonna Be

It’s gonna be hard,
And you may crash and burn,
But sticking out necks,
Is the way that we learn,
So toss all your doubts,
Straight into the fray,
It’s gonna be hard,
‘Til you find your own way.

There’s gonna be pain,
On this struggle through life,
So brace for a punch,
As you barrel through strife,
No matter the trouble,
Keep holding your ground,
There’s gonna be pain,
‘Til the victories sound.

It’s gonna be tough,
There are days that will suck,
And moments you feel,
That your life has no luck,
But hang on to times,
When the golden hours greet,
It’s gonna be tough,
‘Til you’ve planted your feet.

There’s gonna be dark,
When you’re aching for light,
And trauma that forces,
A perilous flight,
But drama is fleeting,
And world’s come about,
There’s gonna be stress,
But the trails are your out.

It’s gonna be hard,
There’s gonna be pain,
But life is an acronym,
Make your own stain,
And forge through the dark,
With your battle worn zeal,
For the harder you charge,
The quicker you heal.

Engage The Rage

Why should I even give a shit,
When life is just hit after hit,
And conflict drips from every page,
Where madness howls, ‘engage the rage’.

Why bother making an attempt,
When years are swallowed by lament,
For wounds are just the wars we wage,
As ravaged minds, ‘engage the rage’.

Why should I even fight forlorn,
When hope is just a splintered thorn,
That burrows deep inside my cage,
While feelings yelp, ‘engage the rage’.

Why bother brawling for your voice,
As if they grant us any choice,
A whisper gathered on the stage,
Ignites the roar, ‘engage the rage’.

Why should I even build my dreams,
The cracks just rip apart the seams,
When darkness smothers sense and sage,
The chaos chants, ‘engage the rage’.

Why bother, well I’ll tell you why,
With broken wings you still must fly,
When life presents itself absurd,
Upstage your rage and flip the bird!