Held Ransom

Held ransom to an empty stare,
I cannot breathe the toxic air,
I’m starved of hope and trapped below,
By chains that choke me ever slow,

And locks that hold emotion raw,
My melancholy wants to roar,
Instead it whimpers barely heard,
My sorrow stirs without a word,

The weight of my frustrations pull,
My glass near empty, mind is full,
Of agonising reprimand,
That causes rage to show its hand,

And smite me with sadistic glee,
Restrained by bars I cannot see,
Invisible beyond their fame,
Is being noticed worse than shame,

When being noticed means they laugh,
And brush your stolen epitaph,
With lies that kindness never knew,
And falsities they paint of you,

And even though they spread disease,
You know the truth behind their fleas,
You may be nothing in their eyes,
But ransoms are a cheap disguise,

And shallow waters sometimes drown,
The gaolers and their empty crown,
Made weak through cruelty, hate and blame,
And dodgy rules that change the game,

Held ransom but the end is nigh,
And time will come to shed the lie,
And break the chains and bars that hold,
A life of hope and dreams and gold.

Manipulations

Manipulations dark and deep,
Do you believe the lies you speak,
Twisted into tales of woe,
So you can always steal the show.

Manipulations fast and true,
Behind mistrust sits all you do,
Disparaging each choice I make,
While your whole character is fake.

Manipulations cruel and mean,
Your dirty tricks polish the scene,
And all who view are snowed within,
The glamour of your phoney grin.

Manipulations cold and raw,
Your spite exists beneath the thaw,
With one hand you deliver grace,
The other slaps me in the face.

Manipulations harsh and wild,
I always was a baffled child,
I never ever seemed to win,
I always took it on the chin.

Manipulations clash and shout,
You loved to cause a verbal bout,
I quickly learned to keep inside,
Those feelings that I had to hide.

Manipulations old and worn,
Your tricks are feeble and forlorn,
For I know how the game is played,
And shun your narcissistic trade.

Manipulations dark and deep,
My fragile heart would slowly weep,
But now the truth is mine to hold,
The future looks a lot like gold.

Selfish Salutations

The world revolves around you,
And that smug pretentious grin,
You’re like a thorny splinter,
Moving underneath my skin,
I try to keep my head up,
But I never seem to win,
‘Cause selfish salutations,
Are the only thing you spin.

You always have it your way,
Whilst our needs are overlooked,
All hail the Queen, she rules the scene,
Affection must be booked,
And woah the soul who questions,
For their goose is truly cooked,
When selfish salutations,
Are the bait that lays the hooked.

I’ve never met a person,
Without empathy like you,
And strike a light, you’re always right,
I fall for that one too,
It seems the web you weave,
Is just a narcissistic glue,
With selfish salutations,
Sticking underneath my shoe.

The world revolves around you,
That is very plain to see,
I cannot get a word in,
When your lies are running free,
But still I hold my head up,
You can’t stop me being me,
For selfish salutations,
Fuel the spark to set me free.

Fighting Wars

Fighting wars on many fronts,
Abuse, the hammer of the grunts,
That wield their cowardice en masse,
And trap you in a deep crevasse,

Where life is struggle to and fro,
The hardest ploy which way to go,
To shake the fierce tormented wreck,
Of fists that wrap around your neck,

And squeeze until you cannot bear,
The dark and unrelenting stare,
Of narcissistic smug refrain,
That twists inside your weary brain,

And as you pry your spirit loose,
They only tighten up the noose,
The rules are changing evermore,
And there are none to hear you roar,

And so you slowly drown in grief,
And bitterness, for time’s a thief,
That steals the savvy of your youth,
And plants an unforgiving truth,

That life is fraught where chaos reigns,
Let history reveal the pains,
For enemies will mask their stunts,
You’re fighting wars on many fronts.

An Epic Heist

The cat in the hat,
Sat by the rat,
The bunny was ignored,
The dog in fog,
Was full of grog,
And next to bunny snored,
The rat begat,
The best of cat,
Contempt for bunny soared,
The cog of dog,
Was bogged in smog,
While hate on bunny poured.

The rat told cat,
I love your hat,
So bunny tried to schmooze,
But rat who spat,
Was backed by cat,
And lit poor bunny’s fuse,
That stupid hat,
That sat on cat,
Caused bunny’s rage to ooze,
So old dog’s cog,
Who woke agog,
Helped bunny plan a ruse.

The cat put hat,
Near rat on mat,
While bunny set the trap,
Dog tossed the grog,
Now set to flog,
The hat near bunny’s lap,
Whilst cat and rat,
Played on the mat,
The bunny grabbed the cap,
And dog’s old cog,
Was full of jog,
As bunny hid the crap.

The cat on mat,
Sat next to rat,
With bunny still at fault,
The dog whose fog,
Now barely smog,
Was waiting for the jolt,
The rat who sat,
Passed hat to cat,
With bunny in revolt,
The crap went splat,
On cat and rat,
As dog helped bunny bolt.

So back to cat,
And rat both splat,
By bunny’s awesome scheme,
The moral slog,
Don’t be a trog,
Or bunny’s rage will steam,
Now clean the mat,
You dirty rat,
While bunny’s off to dream,
That stupid hat,
Now full of scat,
Is busted at the seam.

A manic sequel to my first take on a Dr Seuss classic. One of my favourite writers and a brilliant wordsmith.

The Toxic Shadow

Just like a toxic shadow,
Spreading chaos everywhere,
You creep and crawl relentlessly,
And hunger for despair,
The trauma you facilitate,
Dispersed without remorse,
Divides the shattered pieces,
In the wake of your discourse.

Just like a noxious cumulus,
You suffocate my needs,
There’s only air for you to grow,
Your narcissistic weeds,
An evil presence lurking,
With a smug sarcastic grin,
A rancorous existence,
Choking life from deep within.

Just like a nervous viper,
Jaws affixed with ruthless fangs,
A venom waiting for its prey,
Absorbed with human pangs,
No tenderness nor empathy,
Can fill that blackened hole,
You treat me like I’m damaged,
But it’s you who has no soul.

Just like a toxic shadow,
Your disgrace is all around,
But I am not your seventh son,
My life will be profound,
Devoid of all your bullshit,
And your petulant unkind,
It’s time for wings to spread,
And leave the narcissist behind.

Injustice

I struggle with injustice,
‘Cause I want you all to pay,
For the abuse you summoned loose,
And decades of decay,
I so regret I cannot get,
Those years you stripped away,
Yes I struggle with injustice,
Every single wretched day.

I struggle with forgiveness,
For the anger fogs my brain,
I feel my heart might split apart,
If rage does not refrain,
From burning all that’s yearning,
In the throws of savage pain,
Yes I struggle with forgiveness,
And these tears of acid rain.

I struggle with surrender,
For to fight is all I know,
The endless pill of bitter ill,
Corrupts my urge to go,
Will darkest night always delight,
Or crush me from below,
Yes I struggle with surrender,
Like a seed that will not grow.

I struggle with indifference,
For I know I shouldn’t care,
The world projects what life neglects,
I’m trapped by fake compare,
The headlights suturing my frights,
Compounding all I dare,
Yes I struggle with indifference,
Drowning slowly in despair.

I struggle with injustice,
For I know you’ll never pay,
My thunder cast asunder,
Left to wallow in dismay,
But the abuse became obtuse,
When life became decay,
Yes I struggle with injustice,
But my truth will have its day.

Jammed Up

I know we are supposed to love,
The body we are in,
But mine feels like a prison,
And the bars are my own skin,
I used to feel so light and free,
Like I could run for days,
But now my jam is hiding,
From the fear of constant haze.

I know we are supposed to love,
The person that we are,
But trauma shaped my destiny,
As one gigantic scar,
I wonder if I’ll ever be,
Content with who I am,
Instead of feeling broken,
By a past that haunts my jam.

I know we are supposed to love,
The life that we have made,
But sometimes it resembles,
Dancing on a rusty blade,
The edge is always moving,
And the dangers never wane,
From slicing manic dissidence,
Which paints my jam insane.

I know we are supposed to love,
The moment that we breathe,
By I was always trapped within,
This heart upon my sleeve,
No harmony to guide me,
Only narcissistic schemes,
My jam forever drowning,
In relentless ghastly dreams.

I know we are supposed to love,
The body we are in,
But still I struggle feeling,
Any comfort in my skin,
My prison needs to shatter,
So my jam can wander free,
And lead me to a grateful place,
Where I love who I see.

Glasser’s Basic Weeds

I know you want a hopeful spin,
On Glasser’s basic needs,
The problem is my life,
Is overgrown with toxic weeds,
I cannot even contemplate,
What freedom must be like,
My heart has nothing left to give,
My soul is one big spike.

I cannot think of hope or love,
The water is too deep,
And figuring where I belong,
Disrupts my weary sleep,
My life’s about survival,
Nothing more and nothing less,
I’d love to find a knight,
But I was never good at chess.

And fun is a distraction,
But it doesn’t change a thing,
No matter how much progress,
I’m still stuck inside the ring,
Absorbing brutal punches,
From a life that hits me blind,
I’d love to have some peace,
But it is just too hard to find.

So if you want a hopeful spin,
On Glasser’s basic needs,
We have a lot of work to do,
On pulling out those weeds,
My heart is locked in turmoil,
Every day I start to slip,
Before we dance in marigolds,
Let’s loosen mother’s grip.

This poem is the sixth in a series of poems based around Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory Basic Needs which is something my psychologist and I are currently exploring.

Ka-Fucking-Boom

One wrong step, ka-fucking-boom,
The torment is unfurled,
A dagger twisted in your gut,
Your knuckles torn and knurled,
And when you hit rock bottom,
Then the shit is really hurled,
Yes one wrong step, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re right back in my world.

One wrong word, ka-fucking-boom,
Your head is on a stake,
You cannot win no matter what,
When character is fake,
A toxic narcissistic weed,
Destroying all you make,
Yes one wrong word, ka-fucking-boom,
Your heart was born to break.

One wrong deed, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re singled out for life,
The family’s pariah,
Sibling pummelling was rife,
A stupid little ne’er-do-well,
Who’s sharper than a knife,
Yes one wrong deed, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re head first into strife.

One wrong choice, ka-fucking-boom,
Your life turns upside down,
You do your best to get along,
Though treated like a clown,
Sometimes you cannot breathe,
And feel yourself about to drown,
Yes one wrong choice, ka-fucking-boom,
Uneasy lies the crown.

One wrong move, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re triggered in the brain,
Bipolar loves it’s freedom,
When you hand over the rein,
And struggling is useless,
For you cannot fight the pain,
Yes one wrong move, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re labeled as insane.