Fighting Wars

Fighting wars on many fronts,
Abuse, the hammer of the grunts,
That wield their cowardice en masse,
And trap you in a deep crevasse,

Where life is struggle to and fro,
The hardest ploy which way to go,
To shake the fierce tormented wreck,
Of fists that wrap around your neck,

And squeeze until you cannot bear,
The dark and unrelenting stare,
Of narcissistic smug refrain,
That twists inside your weary brain,

And as you pry your spirit loose,
They only tighten up the noose,
The rules are changing evermore,
And there are none to hear you roar,

And so you slowly drown in grief,
And bitterness, for time’s a thief,
That steals the savvy of your youth,
And plants an unforgiving truth,

That life is fraught where chaos reigns,
Let history reveal the pains,
For enemies will mask their stunts,
You’re fighting wars on many fronts.

An Epic Heist

The cat in the hat,
Sat by the rat,
The bunny was ignored,
The dog in fog,
Was full of grog,
And next to bunny snored,
The rat begat,
The best of cat,
Contempt for bunny soared,
The cog of dog,
Was bogged in smog,
While hate on bunny poured.

The rat told cat,
I love your hat,
So bunny tried to schmooze,
But rat who spat,
Was backed by cat,
And lit poor bunny’s fuse,
That stupid hat,
That sat on cat,
Caused bunny’s rage to ooze,
So old dog’s cog,
Who woke agog,
Helped bunny plan a ruse.

The cat put hat,
Near rat on mat,
While bunny set the trap,
Dog tossed the grog,
Now set to flog,
The hat near bunny’s lap,
Whilst cat and rat,
Played on the mat,
The bunny grabbed the cap,
And dog’s old cog,
Was full of jog,
As bunny hid the crap.

The cat on mat,
Sat next to rat,
With bunny still at fault,
The dog whose fog,
Now barely smog,
Was waiting for the jolt,
The rat who sat,
Passed hat to cat,
With bunny in revolt,
The crap went splat,
On cat and rat,
As dog helped bunny bolt.

So back to cat,
And rat both splat,
By bunny’s awesome scheme,
The moral slog,
Don’t be a trog,
Or bunny’s rage will steam,
Now clean the mat,
You dirty rat,
While bunny’s off to dream,
That stupid hat,
Now full of scat,
Is busted at the seam.

A manic sequel to my first take on a Dr Seuss classic. One of my favourite writers and a brilliant wordsmith.

The Toxic Shadow

Just like a toxic shadow,
Spreading chaos everywhere,
You creep and crawl relentlessly,
And hunger for despair,
The trauma you facilitate,
Dispersed without remorse,
Divides the shattered pieces,
In the wake of your discourse.

Just like a noxious cumulus,
You suffocate my needs,
There’s only air for you to grow,
Your narcissistic weeds,
An evil presence lurking,
With a smug sarcastic grin,
A rancorous existence,
Choking life from deep within.

Just like a nervous viper,
Jaws affixed with ruthless fangs,
A venom waiting for its prey,
Absorbed with human pangs,
No tenderness nor empathy,
Can fill that blackened hole,
You treat me like I’m damaged,
But it’s you who has no soul.

Just like a toxic shadow,
Your disgrace is all around,
But I am not your seventh son,
My life will be profound,
Devoid of all your bullshit,
And your petulant unkind,
It’s time for wings to spread,
And leave the narcissist behind.

Injustice

I struggle with injustice,
‘Cause I want you all to pay,
For the abuse you summoned loose,
And decades of decay,
I so regret I cannot get,
Those years you stripped away,
Yes I struggle with injustice,
Every single wretched day.

I struggle with forgiveness,
For the anger fogs my brain,
I feel my heart might split apart,
If rage does not refrain,
From burning all that’s yearning,
In the throws of savage pain,
Yes I struggle with forgiveness,
And these tears of acid rain.

I struggle with surrender,
For to fight is all I know,
The endless pill of bitter ill,
Corrupts my urge to go,
Will darkest night always delight,
Or crush me from below,
Yes I struggle with surrender,
Like a seed that will not grow.

I struggle with indifference,
For I know I shouldn’t care,
The world projects what life neglects,
I’m trapped by fake compare,
The headlights suturing my frights,
Compounding all I dare,
Yes I struggle with indifference,
Drowning slowly in despair.

I struggle with injustice,
For I know you’ll never pay,
My thunder cast asunder,
Left to wallow in dismay,
But the abuse became obtuse,
When life became decay,
Yes I struggle with injustice,
But my truth will have its day.

Jammed Up

I know we are supposed to love,
The body we are in,
But mine feels like a prison,
And the bars are my own skin,
I used to feel so light and free,
Like I could run for days,
But now my jam is hiding,
From the fear of constant haze.

I know we are supposed to love,
The person that we are,
But trauma shaped my destiny,
As one gigantic scar,
I wonder if I’ll ever be,
Content with who I am,
Instead of feeling broken,
By a past that haunts my jam.

I know we are supposed to love,
The life that we have made,
But sometimes it resembles,
Dancing on a rusty blade,
The edge is always moving,
And the dangers never wane,
From slicing manic dissidence,
Which paints my jam insane.

I know we are supposed to love,
The moment that we breathe,
By I was always trapped within,
This heart upon my sleeve,
No harmony to guide me,
Only narcissistic schemes,
My jam forever drowning,
In relentless ghastly dreams.

I know we are supposed to love,
The body we are in,
But still I struggle feeling,
Any comfort in my skin,
My prison needs to shatter,
So my jam can wander free,
And lead me to a grateful place,
Where I love who I see.

Glasser’s Basic Weeds

I know you want a hopeful spin,
On Glasser’s basic needs,
The problem is my life,
Is overgrown with toxic weeds,
I cannot even contemplate,
What freedom must be like,
My heart has nothing left to give,
My soul is one big spike.

I cannot think of hope or love,
The water is too deep,
And figuring where I belong,
Disrupts my weary sleep,
My life’s about survival,
Nothing more and nothing less,
I’d love to find a knight,
But I was never good at chess.

And fun is a distraction,
But it doesn’t change a thing,
No matter how much progress,
I’m still stuck inside the ring,
Absorbing brutal punches,
From a life that hits me blind,
I’d love to have some peace,
But it is just too hard to find.

So if you want a hopeful spin,
On Glasser’s basic needs,
We have a lot of work to do,
On pulling out those weeds,
My heart is locked in turmoil,
Every day I start to slip,
Before we dance in marigolds,
Let’s loosen mother’s grip.

This poem is the sixth in a series of poems based around Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory Basic Needs which is something my psychologist and I are currently exploring.

Ka-Fucking-Boom

One wrong step, ka-fucking-boom,
The torment is unfurled,
A dagger twisted in your gut,
Your knuckles torn and knurled,
And when you hit rock bottom,
Then the shit is really hurled,
Yes one wrong step, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re right back in my world.

One wrong word, ka-fucking-boom,
Your head is on a stake,
You cannot win no matter what,
When character is fake,
A toxic narcissistic weed,
Destroying all you make,
Yes one wrong word, ka-fucking-boom,
Your heart was born to break.

One wrong deed, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re singled out for life,
The family’s pariah,
Sibling pummelling was rife,
A stupid little ne’er-do-well,
Who’s sharper than a knife,
Yes one wrong deed, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re head first into strife.

One wrong choice, ka-fucking-boom,
Your life turns upside down,
You do your best to get along,
Though treated like a clown,
Sometimes you cannot breathe,
And feel yourself about to drown,
Yes one wrong choice, ka-fucking-boom,
Uneasy lies the crown.

One wrong move, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re triggered in the brain,
Bipolar loves it’s freedom,
When you hand over the rein,
And struggling is useless,
For you cannot fight the pain,
Yes one wrong move, ka-fucking-boom,
You’re labeled as insane.

The Mine/Mind Field

I never seem to catch a break,
No matter where I step,
A powder keg goes up in smoke,
I’m full of staunch regret,
It surely is a minefield,
Living in this house of doom,
Just one wrong move at life’s behoove,
And chances go kaboom.

I never seem to win the war,
That ravages my head,
The only time there’s ever peace,
Is when you go to bed,
My brain is such a mind field,
Feelings retch, emotions zoom,
It only takes a single quake,
To crash amongst the gloom.

I never seem to grab a breath,
Before I start to drown,
A lifetime full of wondering,
Will I bequeath the crown,
Of living in a minefield,
Searing hopes with bitter fume,
I try to fight with all my might,
But life is just a tomb.

I never seem to dodge a joke,
When family’s around,
The experts when it comes,
To dragging spirits to the ground,
Sarcastic laden mind field,
Painful secrets to exhume,
I know this lot has lost the plot,
I’m off to clean my room.

I never seem to catch a break,
No matter what I do,
I shudder in my silence,
As you trash the other shoe,
My life is just a minefield,
Dodging narcissistic plume,
If I could pay to have my way,
My freedom bud would bloom.

Fat Shame

You think you’re funny yes indeed,
Fat shaming me since birth,
I never quite did fit the mold,
You joked about my girth,
A put down here, a put down there,
As long as you were Queen,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m stronger than you’ve ever been.

You think you’re charming yes indeed,
Your opulence so fine,
Behind closed doors I shook in fear,
You took all that was mine,
And made it all about yourself,
I never once was seen,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m brighter than you’ve ever been.

You think you’re clever yes indeed,
With smug sarcastic wit,
I never really understood,
Nor did I ever fit,
The image that you had of me,
Was simply cold and mean,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m smarter than you’ve ever been.

You think you’re loving yes indeed,
But facts they do sustain,
Your only generosity,
Had motive for your gain,
You wanted the attention,
And without it would demean,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m kinder than you’ve ever been.

You think you’re mighty yes indeed,
Bravado drips your name,
But we both know your truths,
Are tangled lies within a game,
Which only you can follow,
For the rules rarely convene,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m braver than you’ve ever been.

You think you’re sturdy yes indeed,
A rock for those in need,
The problem is your sentiment,
Is narcissistic greed,
A castle built on quicksand,
Where the trauma is foreseen,
But you forgot one thing,
I’m tougher than you’ve ever been.

So hit me with your bullets,
You can fat shame if you like,
But it won’t change the fact,
Your heart is just a rusted spike,
Afraid to be alone at night,
You never were the Queen,
And you forgot one thing,
I’m greater than you’ve ever been.

The Narcissistic Cult

A family’s not a family,
When it’s built on fear and hate,
A hierarchy of horror,
Commandeering time and fate,
No room for independence,
Every torment rubbed with salt,
Indeed we’re not a family,
Just a narcissistic cult.

The leader is our matriarch,
Don’t ever cross her path,
You will be dealt with swiftly,
Suffering the aftermath,
For she must always be obeyed,
You dare not feign insult,
For life is truly tragic,
In the narcissistic cult.

And birthright came with privilege,
If you were the golden child,
But woah the harsh reality,
For scapegoats running wild,
You quickly learned male siblings,
Pecked the order to adult,
And if you snooze you lose,
Inside the narcissistic cult.

The patriarch was beaten down,
He never got his way,
The matriarch and siblings,
Left him broken in dismay,
He tried to end his life,
But all that action did result,
Was being more dejected,
By the narcissistic cult.

The scapegoat ran to freedom,
But they pulled her straight back in,
The youngest needs to pay her dues,
The boys rejoiced their win,
The scapegoat wasn’t finished yet,
She braced for the assault, but
The matriarch had groomed her,
For the narcissistic cult.

The matriarch is ageing now,
She’s running out of spark,
The scapegoat tasting freedom,
Plans her path beyond the dark,
Where treachery and dissidence,
Make way for grand exult,
And life beyond the torment,
Of the narcissistic cult.